My head is a bit of a mess.

08Nov09

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a month now, he’s sweet, kind, and lovely. We’d known each other for about a year before we got together, and became very close. Even when he’d not had the courage to tell me how he felt, I always got the impression he liked me.

So about a month ago we got together, but nothing’s changed at all; we barely see each other, we only really speak to each other via text or MSN. And as lovely as he is, I just don’t see us progressing any further than we are currently. I’ve got to consider what’s going to happen when I go to University; the one I like best is over 2 hours away, and I’m not going to be coming home frequently. It’s just making me question wether it’s all worth it. I know we’ve still got like a year before I go, but I don’t want to get overly attached if it’s going to end because of distance. I don’t know, I’ve never been in a long distance relationship before, so I don’t know how they work out. And I don’t want to have to deal with temptation when I’m there either. I’m not saying I’ll cheat with every guy I meet – I’m not like that at all – but I’m going to be making new relationships.

I think what I’m scared of at the moment is upsetting him. Because of his condition, I have no idea how he’d take a break up. I’m not saying that’s what’s going to happen, but I don’t know.

I guess you could say I’m having second thoughts about it all, but I really hate letting people down.

And it’s not that I don’t like him or anything, because I do, but I don’t know whether going through all of this is worth it, because I don’t want to hurt him when we do finally have to call it a day.

I just wish I had someone I could talk to it about; most of my friends are really good friends with him, and I don’t want to lose them, and my best friend is all like “Awwwh you and him”.

I don’t want to let anybody down, but no matter what I choose to do, it’s going to affect someone.

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One Response to “My head is a bit of a mess.”

  1. Don’t worry, but just think about which Uni gives you the best options, and is best for what you want regardless of where it is. Then you can start thinking about its location. Just remember when you’re thinking about relationships, in a year or 2s time, will the same reasons matter to you?

    I’ve been in plenty of relationships where it’s just been like, okay, we’re girlfriend and boyfriend now, but then nothing happens. Zilch. I’ve just called it off, but your situation isn’t the same as mine. Just consider if you’re making an effort, and if the effort is being returned. I’d try and meet up with boyfriends, and if they never seemed interesting it just wasn’t worth it. ♥


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